What is spirituality?

What is spirituality I ask myself on this cold damp morning. So much has changed in such as short space of time. This concept of shedding the skin as we exit the year of the snake and enter into the fire horse has been brutal not just for me but for many. This urge to burn down, to let go, yet keep going, to suddenly become this whole new powerful and passionate being is exhausting. I've never felt so alone with my own thoughts and fighting the need to just stop and relax when for so long I have been what those will call survival mode. Well let me tell you now, fuck survival mode. My best and worst decisions have all been in fuck it mode. Fuck it, do it, lets see, lessons learnt. Lessons learnt to go "lets not do that again!" But what if we just do that again but differently, differently now because we have learnt those harsh cruel lessons. Going back to the old and known, but adding to it, from the knowledge we have gained about ourselves, our needs and wants and who we truly are as an individual just trying to find their tribe in a world full of lost souls.

So I ask again what is spirituality? Because as I search for my tribe of like minded people I am greeted by these many genres, characters and I'm like a sponge, absorbing very bit of information and detail, the good and the bad and wanting more, because I love learning, I love meeting people and I love connecting. And with these many genres of spirituality comes names. I am not just Lynn but I am a mother, a provider, a therapist, a healer, a teacher, a pagan, a witch and all of these make me "SPIRITUAL" to myself and to others although some would say over worked, more tired and bat shit crazy and I love all of these because yes that is who I am to.

I am very fortunate in many ways. Over the 4 decades I have relived and I say relived as most do believe in reincarnation of some form, I pray to the God's and Goddesses I don't return for I hope I have learnt my bloody lessons this time round. I digress, but like many over the decades I've had my highs and lows. Through the lows we loss ourselves. We become empty jars where the contents inside were removed and used but not replenished. A void then thrown into darkness and feeling all alone. I am obviously talking about where a world has taken parts of us away over time to feed others and their needs and we are then left to rebuild ourselves if we chose to do so. And I know how hard it is to constantly rebuild yourself when others have hacked away at your soul, taking the best of you away with their trauma and energy sucking needs. Apologies I can be very blunt and brutal with my words, it is the language I have learnt and the crone I am becoming. So I am rebuilding myself again, rebuilding my home, carefully selecting those that I allow in and learning to live with the grief of letting go again in a new lunar year. I think you guys are starting to understand my concept of spirituality. My love for nature is strong as I sit here writing my first blog in years watching and hearing life come alive as the rain subsides. I am fortunate to have a big garden. I love hearing the bird song, seeing the squirrels play chase and the robins feed. I look forward to the slow worms and the frogs submerging and the transformation from winter into spring. And with my love for nature I worship the sun and the moon, the masculine and feminine, the spirit and my soul. My ability to help and heal others brings me great joy. My intuition to connect with those that have passed and read for others excites me as I entertain and bring messages that need to be heard. But all these gifts carried shadows for many years as I tried to blend in a society that didn't accept me. My healing Reiki was called voodoo shit, my tarot reading the devils work, my lust for excitement and travel a waste of time for someone who could fill the pockets of others by being forced to stay in education. I was once the maiden burning the candles at both ends, working hard and playing hard. I am now the mother, still burning both ends of those candles but with the desire to slow down, accept myself and my many faults and to finally settle where I feel safe and at home. I look forward to meeting the crone I become and hope that witch has learnt her lessons and starts enjoying life how it is meant to be. As I crave to find company on what I call my spiritual journey I feel maybe the universe has other plans for me, and definitely a solo one in some degree. I mean I am not alone, I have two beautiful boys, a small group of amazing friends and a loving family. But when you discover your form of spirituality this is a solo journey. Events and people may create distractions on the way but you are constantly re-finding yourself to get back on track but with new lessons learnt. But there is no harm going back to your roots with more nutrients and power to allow the tree to grow bigger and for the branches to spend.

So what is spirituality? Spirituality is you. It how you have chosen to live your life. It is the knowledge you have learnt over time, the old and the new. It's accepting who you are and allowing others to be with no judgement but a bit of love and understanding. It's fighting battles, whether you win or lose and come back to loving and nurturing yourself. so allow spirituality to be broad. Listen and learn and take what you need, what is left behind do so with no judgement just love.